l e f t j a b

Due to Overwhelming Response...

2004-02-16T13:51:00.000+01:00

from myself, all blogging and posting and other internet based activities will now take at jensenwhelan.com. Please, to the three of you who have visited this site and to the remaining one and a half who will continue, follow the the link.

If you could email me and tell me if there are problems that would be great.

This was fun. The other site will be funner.

What a start.

-Jensen (jensenwhelan.com)

Here are some links for a Friday of Reading Instead of Working

2004-01-23T14:11:00.000+01:00

Alicia Gifford's TRANSUBSTANTIATION is dirtier than Christina and oh so nicely written. It a superb story about missionaries. Not the world's most erotic people, but this is nice.

Blake Butler at Monkeybicycle.

Ryan Boudinot at McSwys.

Myfanwy Collins at Pindeldyboz.

Mitochondria: I have no idea what it really is, but I like it.

Word Riot has a new look.

Coming soon: Art Pimps.

Last Night

2004-01-21T11:57:00.000+01:00

State of the Union.

As An Incentive to Buy,

2004-01-19T09:35:00.000+01:00

See a picture of Graphology #1. Do you remember the hand turkeys? If not seven dollars will remind you.

In other news, only this time sad, Haypenny is closing shop. Very sad indeed. The last issue is a good as they have all been with great writing by the likes of Pasha Malla, Dan Kennedy, Elizabeth Ellen and Christopher Monks. There are many other wonderful pieces there besides. Best of luck to the Haypenny people.

Surgery this week has a painting by Banksy. He is an amazing British artist. Enjoy more of his work at his website. Rob Sears's "I've Been Trying to Increase my Animal's Longevity" is right below it and is superfantastic.

I'm not sure my attempts at a better vocabulary are working. I mean, superfantastic?

Dear Soldier of Fortune Subscriber by Jason Reitman.

The Wooly Mammoth by Claudia Smith.

I still haven't decided who to nominate for The storySouth Million Writers Award for Fiction. Any suggestions?

My Limited Vocabulary

2004-01-16T16:21:00.000+01:00

As Biggie says, things done changed. I added a new comments part. To leave a comment, simply click on the link below called comments.

Kevin Dolgin's new "Places in Europe" is up at Mcswys. Read it right behind the word Södertälje. A note on the translation: "Min rätta äter min käka." was translated as "My rat ate my cookie." Actually that would be said like this, "Min råtta åt min kaka." The original sentence says, "My amend; correct; court eats my eat(imperative!)."

I'm not really sure what that means.

I've been enjoying these "Places in Europe" for awhile now. They are all excellent. Now if I could just figure out how to get someone to give me the money to travel to all of the places he recommends.

If anyone feels like spending their money, and really even if you don't, please visit Yankee Pot Roast's Graphology: A Handwritten Journal of Good Things to Read, and preorder an issue. I have a story in there, and so do many writers that are much, much better that I am. There are stories, poems, drawings, cartoons, and lots of other stuff that is going to be real good. It's only 7 dollars. Do it.

Calvin Liu of The Glut and more recently Bullfight Review has a new story up at Eyeshot. CONTEXT, PART TWO: MORE ON SUSANNA AND THE COLOR RED. Part one can be found by clicking on his name. Both are very good and very strange.

I need better words in my vocabulary than good, great and strange. Until I get them, here is another good, great and strange story . This one is from Diane Payne.

Bohemians from George Saunders. Oh yes.

Enjoy.

2004-01-13T14:02:00.000+01:00

For Christmas I got Ready to Die from Anna. An extremely thoughtful gift, indeed. I now spend a great deal of my free time rapping along to the album while performing my day to day duties. When I sweep the floor I sing along while Biggie raps about the size of his penis in that voice of his. Scrubbing the toilet has me in the car on Gimmie the Loot warning folks that they're about to get robbed.

Anna lies awake at night longing for the days before Biggie Smalls came into our lives.

Despite my best efforts, she refuses to call me Frank White. Instead she says things like, "You are so lame." or "Would you please stop rapping at the dinner table, please."

It had been awhile since I last heard the album and I had forgotten how violent it actually was. Maybe I am becoming a prude. Not, like Lynn Cheney prudish, but still.

A selection of violent acts from Ready to Die:

Bladder splattering
Pistol Whipping
Necklace Stripping
Putting holes in your sweater
Making you take dirt naps
Sending your mother wreaths (presumably funeral wreaths)

Oh my.

Non-Biggie related links for the day:
Pasha Malla and Mike Baker have something at McSwys currently.

Roy Kesey's new dispatch is about Christmas.

This week's Surgery has some cool drawings and poems by Todd Colby.

Reality Hacking is an interesting site.

Back in Black, Angus

2004-01-08T15:21:00.000+01:00

I once had a camp counselor, Peter, from Australia who worked for a time as a banker. One night before going to sleep, the whole cabin sat up talking about interesting things that we had done in our lives. Because every one of us apart from Peter from Australia was twelve, most of our stories involved family vacations or imagined heroics on the baseball diamond. Peter's story was about he was the junior bank manager in charge of Angus Young's bank accounts in Sydney. Despite our best efforts, Peter from Australia refused to divulge just how much money Angus had in his Sydney bank accounts. If anyone knows, satisfy a 15 year old curiosity and email me the numbers.

Speaking of former British colonies in the Southern Hemisphere, Liesl Jobson has this wonderful letter to the editor at Lamination Colony. It is funny and sad and slightly disturbing at times. All good qualities in a letter.

Words I recently learned in France:

Pain = Bread

Depot de Pain = Sadly not a s&m shop or something equally as fun rather, a place to buy bread.

Danger = Danger

I read two books over the holiday. DBC Pierre's ManBooker Prize winning Vernon God Little. And Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. The second book was alright. I think I have gotten to the point in my Chuck Palahniuk fandom that I find any book of his just fine. His recent swing towards all things supernatural with this and previously Lullaby has been interesting. But I'm not all that sure how I felt about this book really. Vernon God Little was superb. I didn't read that many reviews of the book before I read it, but now that I have I think Laura Miller's review was at times very fair. Some of the things the narrator mentioned probably just wouldn't be known by a 15 year old Texan. Wella Balsam? Which leads me to the question: do they sell Wella Balsam in the US? And is it called balsam? Settle an argument for me. If anyone knows the answer, email me at jensenwhelan AT hotmail DOT com.

The contents of The Sexy Stranger #2 is now online at The Glut. Calvin's other project, The Bullfight Review is up and running with a story by Lee Klein. Two stories at Surgery of Modern Warfare by Amy Shearn, The New Grandma and Miniature Golf are definitely worth reading.

If you are a North American living abroad like me, this new site might be a good place to consider sending your fiction and non-fiction. They pay.

Also, The storySouth Million Writers Award for Fiction looks like it is going to be great. Everyone should vote. Visit the link for more details.

Thursday

2003-12-18T15:43:00.000+01:00

You can read this interview with the George Saunders by Ben Greenman. I was going to put an adjective in there but decided that the definite article was just plain better.

Today has been a good day at work. I accidentally broke the little plastic belt clip for my portable phone and I did a celebratory dance. There is not enough hate in the world for those belt clips. Who invented those?

Things I think are appropriate to clip to your belt:

Knives
Hammers
Industrial tape dispensers
Swords of any ilk:
Samurai, Fencing, Highlander

I am leaving for vacation on Sunday. Going to the south of France for two weeks for some much needed sunshine. We had only twenty-two hours of sunlight in the whole of November. I will keep you posted on my trips to the Casino in Monte Carlo. I wonder if they'll even let me in.

My friend Patrick Tobin's story That Kind of Nonsense was nominated for a Pushcart Prize by Agni Magazine. If you happen to be the person who picks the winner of this prize, vote for Patrick. His story is excellent. I love it. If you happen to be just a regular person without the privlege of voting for things, go out and buy the magazine. If you don't believe me you can just read an exerpt on the website. Then go buy it, and feel the shame for weeks that you didn't believe me in the first place.

Dads and making films about them

2003-12-15T15:21:00.000+01:00

From Pasha Malla.

Damn, What a Haircut

2003-12-15T09:20:00.000+01:00

So they caught Saddam Hussein. I tried to post this yesterday morning before most people woke up because they talked about it on the radio here and I wanted to be all, Mr. breaking news, but I didn't and that is all I am going to say about it.

Calvin from The Glut has just completed The Sexy Stranger #2. Find out more about it and how you can get it here. I have a story inside, so do some other people like Darby Larson and Blake Butler.

Putting Me to Shame with Very Little Effort Whatsoever

2003-12-10T16:44:00.000+01:00

Roy Kesey has got these dispatches that make my "Letters from Stockholm" look more retarded than your special cousin who your mom made you hang out with to be nice when he was visiting you every summer. Remember? And you had to drag him along to the baseball card shop or something with your friends. They made fun of him and you didn't defend him. You know how guilty you still feel? That's how much better his dispatches are than my letters.

Number 8 is about fetishes.

2003-12-09T16:43:00.000+01:00

Dicey Brown has new content. Lee Klein's photographs are especially nice. So is Dennis DiClaudio's short danger filled story about the danger of dangerous things.

Something New, Monday Morning.

2003-12-08T09:21:00.000+01:00

Eyeshot now has this letter up.

Otherwise, not much is going on. I went to the ballet on Saturday. It was a matinee performance of Onegin at the Stockholm Opera House. I really like Onegin. The opera, which I've seen before, is nice but the ballet was excellent. The whole concept of communicating these really complicated, intricate stories without words or singing fascinates me. Of course most of the time I had no idea what was going on. The whole first two acts were kind of confusing but for the third, I read the program during the intermission. The third act was my favorite; it had the guns.

Good one, Pushkin.

Some Explaining To Do

2003-12-05T13:52:00.000+01:00

I wasn't going to bother to post anything today because I have terrible cramps in both of my hands from typing. The pain is rapidly knifing its way up my arms like salmon up a river. Speaking of which, what do salmon do when they get to the end? I mean, I know they lay eggs, fertilize them and then die. But is there a special word for it? Foal? Sew? Conceive? I wonder.

It occurs to me that this blog is poorly named. I think leftjab sort of implies that there will be hard hitting, sarcastic and opinionated writing. Doesn't it? There is none. Instead I fill the site with silly links, mostly to my own writing and writing of people who I admire, etc. I briefly considered changing the name to, like Blogfulloflinks or Imaginethisisarealwebsiteforme but came to my senses when I thought about the confusion it might cause. Both of you might get lost when trying to find your way back.

For more about the name Leftjab, look below and follow the link to a picture of my own personal mascots.

Spawn. The word is spawn.

Monkeybicycle has a great new story up from Ryan Boudinot. You can read it here.

What is a leftjab?

2003-12-04T14:02:00.000+01:00

I was wondering myself until I saw this picture. That should explain it all. Check out the serious expression on his face. Who are these two? The other guy's shorts need a comment, but I am not going to do it.

World of Hurt

2003-12-04T10:30:00.000+01:00

World of Hurt by Ronnie Cordova has just been posted over at Mcsweeney's. It is very, very funny. Read it.

Doggy Fizzle Televizzle

2003-12-04T09:34:00.000+01:00

When MTV decided to give Snoop Dog his show 'Doggy Fizzle Televizzle' they made everything right with the world. Snoop gave Samuel L. Jackson an award for "Outstanding Negritude" and I think I reached a state of existential understanding about television that I had never before had. Mostly the show is terrible, but these occasional moments of comic genius make it worth watching, or at least finding another show you like more and going back to MTV at the commercials. Velour leisure suits? Negritude? Brilliant.

Speaking of funny, Ronnie Cordova at Sublethal is very funny. Recent stories of his have made their way into the virtual pages of The Glut and Haypenny. I like his writing very much. You should too.

I keep linking to Ken Krimstein like I know him or something. I don't. I just really, really enjoy reading his writing.
This German translation of Catcher in the Rye at Yankee Pot Roast is great. (not a permanent link)

Back

2003-12-02T09:07:00.000+01:00

Reinventing The World is back with new content, etc. I hope it stays around a little longer this time.

New at Surgery of Modern Warfare

2003-12-01T08:52:00.000+01:00

This letter just went up at Surgery. The editor is wonderful. She is always helpful and supportive and just all around great.

Interesting Places

2003-11-25T10:02:00.000+01:00

Kevin Dolgin makes some good suggestions about places to visit.

This week's Surgery is nice.

Ken Krimstein again.

Monkeybicycle has something new up.

There are lots of good things to read now that Sweet Fancy Moses is back. I really liked this story by Chelsea Lowe

Calvin at The Glut has the best page of links. Follow them for more good reading.

I've really been enjoying these

2003-11-21T13:29:00.000+01:00

Parts three and four of Jonathan Ames's diary from his stay at Club Med. I used to work with a guy who had been the head chef at a Club Med. What strange places. Why anyone would want to take a vacation at one is a mystery.

Isn't This a David Bowie Song?

2003-11-21T09:31:00.000+01:00

I've made all kinds of changes around here. I added links to some of my writing, a short bio and seperated the links between sites that have published things that I have written and ones that I just read.

I have nothing to say about Steven King's award. Good for both of them.

One of the annoying things about living here is that television is delayed almost a full season. So now 24 is finally being shown in its second season and I already know what is going to happen. Same with Friends. It is kind of a strange feeling, like being a character in Back to the Future or something. I wonder if I could bet on, like, The Bachelor or For Love or Money. I shouldn't watch so much TV anyway.

This week's Pindeldyboz is worth your attention. As always it is full of good writing.

I Know What You Mean about the Sun

2003-11-18T13:52:00.000+01:00

The second part of Jonathan Ames's Club Med diary is at McSwy's. Read part 1 and part 2.

What I Was Reading When I Decided to Stop Everything and Put a Link up Here

2003-11-12T10:59:00.000+01:00

Talk Money to Me by Ken Krimstein at Pindeldyboz is excellent.

Currently at Surgery of Modern Warfare

2003-11-11T13:30:00.000+01:00

Is this story about a mother and when she was a spy.

This Is Banksy

2003-11-06T16:40:00.000+01:00

Banksy is an amazing British graffiti aritst. Banksy makes lovely stencils and paintings. Check out the stencils that Banksy has done over old, campy oil paintings from flea-markets.

Pasha Malla

2003-11-06T11:51:00.000+01:00

This has been up for a few hours now. You should have read it already.

Again

2003-11-06T09:25:00.000+01:00

Laura Miller strikes again. This time her target is Man Booker Prize winning author DBC Pierre and his novel, Vernon God Little. The review is, as always, bizarre. Granted, this review is not as harsh as, say, the Chuck P. review or other recent Laura Miller gems. She does make some good points about Pierre's inability to stay within the dialect of his characters. One funny section of the review points out that there are times in the narrative where the narrator (a 15 year old boy in Texas) has a celtic lilt to his voice and uses overly poetic imagery. But on the whole, the aspects of the book she picks to attack are so odd, it's like she goes into every book trying so hard not to like it that she is forced to attach herself negatively to all these little side issues. Here is an example:

Vernon cites the weirdest assortment of tunes: Glen Campbell, Christopher Cross, Hank Williams. Even when Pierre gets a touchstone right, something goes wrong. Fleeing his small hometown, Vernon thinks, "What I need is some Eminem, some angry poetry, but you can't buy that stuff in Martirio." Maybe not, but surely that wouldn't stop a kid practiced at downloading porn onto his computer? And it's hard to believe that someone pining for Eminem would also think fondly of the "sassy music" of Shania Twain.

Is she serious? Many people have varied tastes in music, I am not sure how that makes a narrator somehow unreliable. Besides, who the fuck cares? And, Laura, terms like "weirdest assortment of tunes" definitely don't do anything to further your point when you are taking a writer to task for spannning broad tastes and time periods with their popular culture references.

Can't someone review a book, tell me what it is about, say, "yes, I liked this." or "no, this book fucking really sucked!" tell me why and then stop.

exactly.

Tuesday

2003-11-04T16:34:00.000+01:00

-I have a new story up over at The Glut. It is called Chrome, and is right below a photograph that I took of a drawing that I drew.

-Just finished the last book in my "Books Written by Women with Names Similar to Amy" series. It included Amy Hemple, A.M. Homes, Amy Fusselman and Aimee Bender. While in the US last, I spent a day tracking down various books by these four women to read. I loved them all. The Pharmicist's Mate was a perfect little book, and easily my favorite of the group. The author also does this. Sometimes you can find me there, too.

-Recent reading: here, this, one of these, and this.

Halloween

2003-10-31T12:27:00.000+01:00

Half day at work today in honor of All Saint's Day. Going home now.

Blank

2003-10-27T11:07:00.000+01:00

-Visit and answer this call for submissions. I am going to. You should too.

-Yesterday I went to the videogame geek store by the central station and traded in my old Playstation 2 games for a new one. Taking into consideration yesterday's time change, I only stayed up till 1:30 in the morning playing my new game about a raccoon named Sly. It is so nerdy and I love it.

-English needs a plural 'you.'

-This here, over at Eyeshot tickles my fancy.

-Over the weekend I went to see a play entitled 'Katizi' about a gypsy girl named Katizi and racism and hatred. It was very good and my good friend Lydia was the star. Also her boyfriend had a small, surprise cameo role as a drunk and also as a little boy that picked on Katizi. I had no idea that he was going to be in the play and when he appeared on stage I laughed hard, almost ruing the quiet required of an audience according to normal play watching etiquette.

Naughty Girl Bandit

2003-10-24T16:44:00.000+02:00

This caught my attention. I had no idea that there was such a thing as a 19 year old girl bank robber.

On a side note, if I were a music producer, I would throw together a group of three to five young women and call them "The Naughty Girl Bandits." In fact, I think I might do that.

Small Victories

2003-10-24T14:24:00.000+02:00

As someone I know used to say, "I don't mean to brag but I am just so good at it that I can't help myself." I got the results of my test yesterday and was happy to learn that I got the highest score in the school, by which I mean, I didn't get any questions wrong.

I told my mother and she said, "One's truest pleasures in life come from the small victories." I like that. Thanks for the quote, Mom.

Been Busy. Updates.

2003-10-22T11:46:00.000+02:00

-The first snow of the year was last night and as of right now it is still on the ground. I sometimes wonder about this place.

-I added a comments section. Just click on the link at the bottom of a post and talk to me.

-I recently attended a wedding in Los Angeles. Normally I wouldn't be so tasteless as to mention what I bought as a wedding gift in public like this, but the Swedish crystal was damn fine and deserves at least a small amount of attention. I got the thank you card yesterday and was informed that the gift was now resting comfortably in 'ar' guest room. I've just figured out what 'ar' means and find it a more than appropriate place for crystal to live.

-I liked this very much. Darby Larson is hilarious and very, very sick.

-Other recent reading includes the following: Paul Toth at The 2nd Hand, Mr. Pasha Malla at Hobart, James Simpson at Pboz and this here by Susannah Breslin at Opuim.

McSweeney's

2003-10-17T11:08:00.000+02:00

Short Imagined Monologues? Steve Martin? Yes.

New Story

2003-10-15T10:54:00.000+02:00

I have got a new story up over at Pindeldyboz called The Firecatcher's Sister. You should read it.

In other news, my work sent me to the blue collar supply store (appropriately named, in English, "Tools") with the company credit card and permisson to buy any item of clothing I wanted. I got some new boots. They are steel toed and "nail-proof." This means that I can step on nails. I am wearing them right now. I also got a pair of shiny, black pants with hammer loops, large pockets and knee pads. I am also wearing them right now. Yesterday I wore my new clothes home after work and my girlfriend laughed at me for a number of minutes. She said I looked like a kid playing dress-up. Well, I like them.

I have to take the National Test in Swedish next Tuesday. I am really nervous because if I pass, I will be able to go to real school here; and if I don't I have to wait three months to take it again. You know as well as I do that I wouldn't wait three months, I would just not take it and never go to school. A lot is riding on this test. I will keep you posted.

I Know It Are Evil, But...

2003-10-13T16:39:00.000+02:00

Who thinks it are the sexual intercourse are lively, what did the Roy tiger obviously disperse by woman's big hair and tries to protect him exempts him is seen to take the threat? I do. This then quote quite sums it for me, the " cat is the tiger, and when he wants to protect his pal, he make the way which its tiger does, with his strength. " my pals frequently bites me in the neck when they are trying to protect me, similarly, Siegfried.

That was the first post about Siegfried and Roy translated by babelfish from English to Chinese and back to English. Playing with Babelfish is my new favorite game due mostly to gems like, "Who thinks it are the sexual intercourse are lively..." I certainly do.

I know It Is Evil, But...

2003-10-10T12:05:00.000+02:00

Does anyone else think it is fucking hilarious that Roy's tiger was apparently distracted by a woman's big hair and was trying to protect him from what he saw as a threat? I do.

This quote pretty much sums it up for me, "A cat is a tiger, and when he wants to protect his pal, he does it the way a tiger does, with his strength."

My pals often bite me in the neck when they are trying to protect me, too, Siegfried.

You Can Make $ Doing This?

2003-10-08T17:27:00.000+02:00

I sold a poem about my girlfriend's eyebrows (cleverly entitled, "Eyebrows") to a Canadian magazine for thirty Canadian dollars. I asked to have the payment in loonies, but they declined. In any event, I am now rich, so if anybody needs a loan, you can reach me at jensenwhelan at hotmail.com

On Surgery Right Now

2003-10-06T10:48:00.000+02:00

Here are two photographs that I took that are now up at Surgery of Modern Warfare. One is a tiger, the other is a deer. The story below the photos is by one Calvin Liu who edits The Glut. He is a great writer and wonderful editor. I had a story in last month's issue.

---
It is unlikely that anyone will ever see this site, but I've decided to put things here on an extremely irregular schedule. Like, when I feel like it.

Links to my stories

2003-10-02T09:58:00.000+02:00

The Salesman of Milk and Honey

Requirements For A Position As My Lover

The Certainty of Things

How I Learned To Play Dominoes

A Letter from Stockholm about a Dream and a Conversation about a Moose

When All of My Organs Gather for Their Weekly Informational Meeting

The Fat and the Thin of It

What You Always End Up With

The Palindrome Girl

First Post

2003-10-02T09:54:00.000+02:00

Later there will be links and other things of little interest to anyone but me; but first I need to teach myself how to do all this.